A Little Bit Each Day
Note: This post is not about what you should or should not do for your own exercise routine or mental health. This is my own experience with how small bits of moving my body daily, breaking a sweat, is greatly improving my mental health.
Since High School, exercise has been a main stay of my mental health. Then it was an elliptical, during college it was yoga, and as a 20-something in an insane music industry job it became running.
I still don't think of myself as a "runner", but I firmly believe in the hormonal "runner's high", that rush of endorphins the body puts out in response to cardiovascular exercise.
In the past 3+ years, pregnancies, miscarriages, postpartum, and new motherhood ate up the time and energy for exercise. Add to this how different and in pain my body felt after giving birth (and for so much longer than you're told it should), I basically stopped most physical activity. Yes, I walk a lot, am outside everyday, and have hiked, climbed, gone for a run since A was born, but nothing came close to the consistency of the almost-daily running/biking/roller-blading I did before I began this motherhood journey.
Almost a year ago, I had an astrology session with Tara Vogel of Luminary Parenting. I explained my postpartum issues with sleeping and not feeling comfortable in my body anymore (hello Saturn square Ascendant). She encouraged me to move my body to release the pent-up energies I was experiencing - sex, exercise, dance, yoga. Whatever felt good and got me out of my head would be best.
As I spent everyday/all day of the school year with my toddler, I felt more and more exhausted, and decided that I needed to accept I will "always be tired" now that I was a stay-at-home mom.
More recently, I began reading about my Human Design type - Manifesting Generator - the "energizer bunny" of energy types. Still in my exhausted stay-at-home-mom state, I didn't believe it. Where the hell was this energy I was supposed to be feeling?
A back-and-forth IG convo with Marriah at Girlhood Cultivated about my experience with (undiagnosed) postpartum depression and anxiety brought running back to mind. She said running was the main thing that helped shift her out of her own postpartum struggles.
All the while, I was also in Mara Glatzel's Tend program, doing major deep-dives into relearning self-care, checking in with myself, and listening to my body. As often as possible, I was understanding what I was actually needing and doing my best to give myself those things.
And, after tracking my cycle for months using a new moon calendar journal, mapping my anxiety, insomnia, and mood swings, I started thinking about seeing a doctor for medication. I just didn't want to spend these precious days at home with my daughter feeling like absolute shit. Exhausted, unmotivated, and overwhelmed.
And then, a small idea popped into my head. Making small, daily moves with my 100 Day Project inspired me to try this approach in other areas of my life. So, what if I treated exercise the same way I'd take medication? What if I tried a small bit of exercise each day?
So, my very doable, teeny tiny bit of exercise were any of these three options 1-2x per week:
1. Go to the track and run 1 mile
2. Go to the gym and do 10-15 minutes on the elliptical
3. Go to the gym and lift weights for 15 minutes
4. Go to the pool and swim 10 minutes
I didn't worry about programs, timing, my size/weight or any type of "results". I just wanted to burn off energy so I could feel less anxious and sleep better.
Once I began, it all started to shift. At first it was a slow 3 laps around the track (.75 miles) or 10 minutes on the elliptical once or twice week. Then I got up and out to exercise before the kiddo woke up. Then I started going 3-5x per week. Then I started running faster miles.
As of today, I've exercised that tiny bit (really, 10 to 15 minutes each time) almost every day for 5 weeks (at least 20 times in a month). But that's not the gold start I'm sharing. The big news is that I FEEL BETTER.
I have energy! My body feels calmer and happier. I don't want to scream at people. My anxiety is way down. I'm hopeful my menstrual cycle is evening out.
And I am kind of baffled. Because it seems so simple. It's the same "creating small containers of time" to battle my perfectionism. I wanted to feel a certain way, I decided to try a low-bar action that could work for bringing that feeling into my life, I started and adjusted, and then it just sort of took off and I ran with it (pun intended).
This could be a phase. Exercise, like all things in life, ebb and flow during seasons and schedules. But this little bit, 10 minutes on most days, feels so doable. It's making such a huge difference and I am so here for it.