On Time Limits for Perfectionists

One of my go-to moves lately is setting a (time) limit for tasks and holding myself to it.

For example, telling myself I will deal with the dishes in the sink for ten minutes, or clean as much of the house as I can in an hour, or vacuum for twenty minutes AND THEN I AM DONE.

Because my brain and my body want to be moving and engaged, cleaning is a default way I burn off energy (and hi, living with a toddler and a dog). Also, I thrive in a clean space. There is something about floors without sandy bits, toilets without stains, a shined kitchen sink that make me feel safe, calm and at home. But I'm also a perfectionist, and find that I OVER-do things like cleaning (or, everything hah). Once I start, I can't stop until I am exhausted.

I find this behavior hits me when I am tired/stressed and in need of my own care. But, instead of resting or doing the actual thing I want to be doing, I start frantically cleaning, in an effort to soothe that part of me that's already frazzled. I think "Once this is done, I can relax," but it isn't done, or doing it uses up all of my energy, or that cleaner space leads me to tackle the adjacent space.

So, when I tell myself, "Ok, let's clean up the kitchen for ten minutes," it gives me space and permission. It acknowledges that the messy kitchen is bothering me, that I want someone to clean it up (hello, resentment), that I am wasting energy by not just doing it myself. Then, it gives me an action to take to solve the problem, to soothe myself. Ah, see, that clean counter top? The watered plants? The unloaded dishwasher? Much better. The time limit pulls the resentment out of it (why isn't anyone else taking care of me?!) and allows me to turn towards myself (I know if I do this thing I will feel much better). And with the time limit, I know I have permission to stop. I don't have to keep piling things on to the To Do list. Timer goes off, finish up, go rest.

Most importantly, this creates a structured way for me to care for myself. There are things I need to feel good and at home (a tidied space, cooked food in the fridge, a clean tub for baths). I would love for my home to be magically clean all of the time, for groceries to just appear in my fridge, but that's not happening. Someone needs to use their energy to make those things happen. And when I give myself manageable, doable tasks and time limits, and I accomplish them in the name of taking care of myself, my self-trust goes way, way up.

I am not overworked, or angry, or exhausted. Instead, I feel loved, safe and taken care of in a way that hate-scrubbing the tub never gets me.

...

The practice of limited time, and working in small bits, came out of my experience doing the 100 Day Project.

Idea for creating limits for perfectionists came from Mara Glatzel in her course Tend, opening for enrollment soon. (Not a sponsored post, just loved the course).