October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

TW: It’s pregnancy & infant loss remembrance month during October.

It always feels kismet that #ladywads was born in this month.

So, I want to tell you a story about how 6-7 years ago, I traveled through pregnancies and losses. 5 years ago she & I both survived a traumatic birth experience. We made it thru a 9 day NICU stay. And then I clawed my way thru the first 12-18 months of her life.

Becoming a parent was one of the most difficult and upsetting paths I’ve ever walked. Some people would say they’d do it again in a heartbeat, but I honestly don’t know. It was that terrible.

And, I am baffled almost daily that I get to be here, now, with this almost 5 yr old shining being✨ , my double rainbow baby, getting to not just be her mother, but an adult who was completely and utterly changed for the better just to love her best.

Things are quiet now and simpler than they ever were. My PTSD is healing and fading and parenting is joyful and fun (even if it is still exhausting). When I was in the throes of it, I was never able to trust we’d get here. I honestly thought I was dying. The contrast of my internal life then to now is almost unbelievable.

I am sending all of my love out to every person who has been touched by pregnancy and infant loss, postpartum depression and anxiety, and NICU stays. You’re already a parent even in your loss. You’re loss has nothing to do with “deserving” or “worthiness” as a parent. And I believe our children are with us even if they’re not Earthside.

To my babies gone and to the one here, thank you for choosing me as your mother. 

If my story resonates with you and you’d like support walking your own path to parenthood, I invite you to book a call with me. I offer miscarriage grief support sessions. Whatever you’re experiencing, I hope you’ll choose kindness towards yourself as much as you can xo