Wild Writing 15/100

Giving myself the space to slow down is difficult
What will come up?
What if nothing comes up?
What wounds need healing, 
but more importantly, 
what wounds need forgiveness?

So much of my life, really
When I think about it
Not that I can go back and change anything

I am 10 years old and the set of cool girls (one particular brat 
who despises me for breathing, I’m sure)
make my days painful,
chaotic.

I am left out,
banished before I was even let in
But I have a worse sort of compounding pain
No adult who believes me, who validates my feelings
Who has the time and patience to sit down with me, 
to take me outside on a walk and say,
“So tell me again what’s happening at school?
Tell me what it is that is turning your small, young world on its head?”

We moved away from the only school I knew
Plans felt uncertain at best
This was temporary, but for how long?
And why does it seem no one’s in charge?

I am scared, and lonely.
We used to have a bigger house
We use to run around a bigger yard
Everything feels constrictive and tight and 
like I can’t get any place that’s quiet enough 
and I hate school so much 
I get sick to my stomach every night 
and no one seems to care

(Prompt from the The Wild Unknown Animal Spirit deck book for the Sea Serpent card. I am creating a timed piece of wild writing every day for 100 days for this year’s 100 Day Project.)