#30daysofdresses - day 4

Or the plight of this little black dress...I'm realizing quickly that 30 days of my own outfits is starting to feel a little... self-indulgent. It would be silly to think that anyone wants to read about dresses when they come from stores like Kohl's or H&M, or see 30 pictures of me.I snapped this on Thursday - it was a helluva day at work. I ended up taking the afternoon off because, like all first world white girls, I COULD NOT EVEN.So the combo of needing a boost of creative time in between meetings, and the self-consciousness of not wanting to post 30 selfies, produced this photo. And I thought about my friend Nina who takes these awesome self-portraits and a whole world of options expanded before me.Yes - it's #30daysofdresses - but more importantly, it's 30 days of sharing my creativity, my story, of me inside and out.So that's where I was at when I took this photo.---I've owned this dress for a very long time... definitely before I moved to LA.When I first moved here and started working at my internship, I had a boatload of new business clothes (thanks mom!) from Ann Taylor Loft and was basically terribly overdressed for the occasion. One day, a coworker said "You wear a lot of black" as if this wasn't a good thing. "Well, I'm from New York," I said, because in New York everyone wears black (just look at my Google search). It's classic, powerful and creates a good silhouette. Plus, people are hardworking, driven, serious - any pop of color, like the crazy teals and neons LA-ers wear - could be seen as not taking things seriously enough. And who the f-has time to be all bright and happy when it's 30* outside and you're working a 10hr day?But, I digress.As I shopped for myself and tried the SoCal style on for size, I started pulling navy, instead of black as my base neutral. I didn't realize this until Jess pointed it out. Awesome. So what do I do with this black dress I didn't care much about? Jess suggested I keep it, since it was cute, light-weight and versatile.Then another 18 months went by and I didn't wear it.---It wasn't because it didn't fit right, or it was black, or that I don't own black boots (working on that).It was because the last time I wore this dress, I wore it to a funeral.It was July 2011 and we had plans to be on the east coast for our two engagement parties (long story). One in PA and one in NY. A few days before our departure, we woke up to a slew of calls on H's cellphone saying that his granddad had passed away overnight.I don't remember the actual timeline of things, if we flew in early or traveled back and forth from PA to NY a few times, but it was such a huge blow to H's mom's side of the family - completely unexpected.His grandfather was quiet, but super warm and friendly, and so kind-hearted. He really was the nicest. He always treated me like I was part of the family, long before H and I were engaged.And this is the dress I wore to his funeral - the only part of which I remember being in a room where people were giving speeches about him - and we were all laughing and crying. There was music. I hung out with H's little sister who seemed to know that I needed the company more than she needed me - mostly b/c this wasn't my family. I felt a little out of place. And I just remember, as everyone wrapped up the speeches and went to move on to the restaurant, people picking up purses and organizing carpools, I started to cry. H hugged me and I remember saying into his chest, "It's just so sad" because it was.We'd lost a really good person. I could cry writing this.Some time later, I remember his daughter, H's aunt, saying that now when she sees monarchs, she thinks it's her dad visiting her. And our LA neighborhood is full of monarchs, so now I always think of him too. And of course, when I wear this dress.---Dress is Old Navy. Boots are Kohl's. Necklace is the shape of an arrow.