Keep Your Shit Together

So, how does one act like they have their shit together, when they don't?Is there something in the way they carry themselves, the words they use, the fingerprints they leave (or don't) on glasses they sip from (or don't) on tables they wipe clean (or don't)?You may think I have my shit together because I value self-care. Because I went for a run this morning, after I wrote in my journal, before I showed up for 3 meetings and called a few caterers for an event. The event that, every year, makes me feel like I don't have my shit together. (Here is 2013's and here is 2012's)And each year, I think, I'll do better this time - and I rally the troops (it's just me) and make lists, send emails, gathering my courage... and still, something goes wrong. Someone nit-picks and no matter how many people are in the room, how much applause there is, the response is - we can do better next time. But all I hear is, you will do better next time which really means you didn't do good enough this time.I've done enough work over the past 4 years to know that my work is not my worth. That even if this event crashes and burns, even if it is cancelled for reasons of horrible planning or no one RSVP'd, I am still worthy of love and connection. I am still worthy of being here.But it still gets to me, y'know?Do you know this feeling? Do you hike up your pants and strap on your highest heels and show up and smile, only to see yourself deflated post-whatever? Because you weren't good enough?Because I'm pretty sure I have my shit together AND stuff still goes wrong. That's the point isn't it? Showing up and facing whatever it is because no matter how much we prepare, we don't know until we're in it. Like, knees deep, maybe even waist-high IN IT.So, how do you do that? Well, I can only tell you what works for me...

• I make a list of everything involved in said issue and organize it to be tackled in a logical approach
• I vent to people who believe I'm awesome and also understand what a shit-show this thing really is
• I actually keep up on my self-care practices (for me: writing, running and reading)
• I say "no" to other things that could splinter my energy even more
• I tell big, dramatic, funny stories to people about how ridiculous it all is going / feels
• I ask for help
• I allow myself to feel how I feel because there are some things my logical brain can't process
• And I  reassure myself to trust - because my version of the outcome is usually a small, often marginalized version of the possibilities that are out there... and if I can just use the above points as support and keep feeling my way through, the actual outcome will be so much more magical than I imagined.

I know this list won't always be the right combination. Because just as I catch on to what works, my life changes, and I'm back to being in a new situation, learning new things. Like right now, with this big event coming up. It's bad enough it's a pain, but now I am completely revamping it due to the usual venue being booked.But I digress...I will keep you posted on this event, and how things pan out, if you will share with me what works for you. I would love to hear about it. I think it's important we compare notes. What does it mean to you to "have your shit together"? How do you keep you keep it all together?xo